What You Don't Know Can't Hurt You
by Alice Kirkland FTW
Summary: When Alfred finds out that his friend Ivan has a girlfriend, he can't help spying on their date that Friday night. But what happens when he finds out that Ivan's girlfriend is Al's cousin Maddie? What happens when her less-than-optimal past is revealed to Ivan? (Russia x Fem!Canada; Al's POV; for Valkyrie99)


"Hey, Ivan!"

The big lug of a Russian looked over at me and smiled. There was a reason everyone was creeped out by that smile, and I shuddered to think of it even though I should have been used to it. He started to make his way across the grass of the courtyard toward me and I put on a bigger grin for my (creepy as fuck) friend.

"So dude," I started when he sat down and began unpacking his lunch. "I heard that there's this really awesome scary movie playing and I've already got us tickets! Friday night, you in, man?"

He stopped with his sandwich halfway to his mouth. "Ah, I'm sorry, Alfred, but I'm going out with my girlfriend on Friday."

"Pssh, no you aren't! You never told me you had a girlfriend!"

"Da, I did. I've told you several times, in fact."

"Whatever you say, man," I told him, and we kept eating in silence.

After a few minutes, though, I put my lunch back down. "Dude, there is no way in hell you have a girlfriend," I interjected.

"But I do."

"No, you don't! You can't! You're Ivan!"

"I am Ivan, but I have a girlfriend!"

"Stop lying, man."

"But I'm not!"

"Fine, then as your buddy, I wanna meet her. Which one is she?" At the question, I stood up and surveyed the area for a girl potentially crazy enough to date Ivan. "It's totally Natalia, isn't it?" I grinned, but Ivan just shuddered and shrank back, shaking his head.

"Don't even say her name," he pleaded. "She might _hear you_."

I just laughed at him and sat back down. "So seriously, who is it?"

"You would not know her. She doesn't go to this school."

"That's just code for 'I don't have a girlfriend'!"

Ivan, obviously having had enough of my particular brand of bullcrap, finally stood up, said, "Da, I do," in an icy voice, and left.

'_We'll see...'_

...

So that Friday, I skipped the movie and gave the tickets to Gilbert and his (real) girlfriend Elizabeta so I could keep an eye on Ivan and his "date."

The thing was, though... I didn't _see _a date.

He opened doors for no one, he talked with no one, he walked around the park with no one, and sat down on the edge of the fountain next to and kissed _no one_.

I mean, I knew the guy didn't have many friends, but I didn't think he was desperate enough to date _himself_.

Kinda made you wonder if he and his "girlfriend" had done it yet...

Wait, hold up. Red Falcon was leaving the nest with, as expected—

A chick?!

A cute chick, at that. Long blonde hair in pigtails, purple eyes behind glasses, simple clothes...

She looked kinda like my cousin Maddie.

I stepped out from behind the tree I had been hiding behind for a better look when they saw me and altered their path a little bit to come talk to me, no doubt so Ivan could rub it in my face that he _did_ have a girlfriend. As they got closer, I saw that it actually, somehow, _was_ my cousin Maddie, and I had the sudden urge to punch something, although I wasn't sure what.

Probably Ivan.

"Hey, Ivan, _buddy_," I growled. "'Sup, Maddie."

Ivan just stared as his hand inched closer to Maddie's, and my fists clenched. "Do you two know each other?"

Maddie's voice was barely over a whisper, so I had learned over the years to read her lips. And obviously Ivan had picked it up at some point, because he understood when she practically mouthed, "We're cousins."

Ivan's face fell a bit as he asked, "So I guess it would be better if we didn't date?"

I looked at the big guy and my cousin in turn and finally sighed. Dammit. Those two really knew how to tug at my heartstrings even if they didn't know it. Ivan's puppy face and Maddie's innocence got me every time, no matter what it was.

"Nah, man, it's fine. I'm in no place to tell you no. Just... take care of her, OK?"

Ivan nodded happily, and as I walked away, I couldn't help but think, _'He doesn't need to know just yet...'_

* * *

_A/N: First of all, I would just like to say I AM SO SORRY. I know this was supposed to be up almost 4 months ago, but... stuff happened... If you want a full explanation, just message me._

_Um, anyway. I also know I said this would be a oneshot, but shit happens at 1:30 in the morning when my friend forced me to finish writing this, so this is gonna be a full story. Yay?_

_So... yeah. TBC, motherfuckers._


End file.
